Right now, I'm angry. I'm spitting mad. I haven't been paid in days. I've whinged and complained but to no avail. I work less hours than anyone else, and yet I'm the one who doesn't get paid on time. And I'm also the one who gets less hours. Yes, it must be really hard to pay someone who earns much less than the others. I've been throwing balls of paper around, because I might just throw something important over the balcony, like my computer or books or something!
I went out to the balcony, and there was a very cold breeze (typical of a wintry day in Perth) but the sun was shining brightly, the trees moving in rhythm of the wind, fluffy white clouds dotted the sky, and the river an azure blue with silver sparkles. What a surprise! It was dark and gray and gloomy when I got up, and since I've had the curtain across the balcony door, I had failed to see it was turning out to be a beautiful day.
I instantly felt heaps better. And I smiled at the view, and I felt my heart lift. Oh, to be able to appreciate beauty in its true form, without the mundane modern ways of the world! Thanks to Anne Of Green Gables, I'm able to see much deeper than the mere surface of something beautiful. And with the tunes of Regina Spektor's "The Call', a song of hope and courage... I was transported to the make-believe state of mind that gave me such peace and solace. The place where there are no ugly big buildings, no busy roads, no city noises, no smoke and smog and haze... just trees and flowers and the unhindered sunrises and sunsets, the brooks and the rivers... and the love that prevades all of it. I have always thought I had been born in the wrong place and in the wrong era, and I had never so staunchly believed it as I did today.
Prince Edward Island has been beckoning to me for years!!! And to think a big part of it's natural beauty has been preserved well... and the fact L.M Montgomery's childhood home, which was the model for Green Gables, is well kept and open to public! I think if I ever got to go to P.E Island, I'll feel like I've come home and that I belong there...
Why whinge when I can see and feel beauty, and it makes me feel so alive?? So many others are not so fortunate. If I had been given the gift of imagination, that itself makes me stand far above others. I do not need to stoop to their petty levels. Need I care about them, when the cheerful flowers wink at me and the wind promises to be my friend? Need I let the imperfection of my life penetrate into my imagination and my mind? No. I do not. And while that takes willpower, I believe I'm strong enough to start the battle now :) the battle to becoming the better, happier, more cheerful me! I have Kristen, I have friends, I have a few but worthy purposes in life.
To other people, I'm just babbling nonsense. But it mattered to one person, and never for a minute thought I was crazy... and for that I would always love this person. Hope you've found what you were searching for, Ari, and I miss you everyday.
